n January of 2003, Mary’s firstborn child, Joseph, was senselessly murdered in a carjacking.
Crawling back from the darkness that descended upon her wasn’t easy, but with three other children and a husband still needing her, she found the strength to live in the face of death.
“They needed me there; they didn’t need me in bed, they didn’t need me drugged up, they didn’t need me drunken. I can guarantee you that those are places I wanted to go,” Mary said.
Joseph was 18, and his most prized possession was his car, a ’71 Lincoln Mark-3. He spent all of his money restoring this car, and he finally got down to the last thing that he wanted – a set of rims for his tires.
Mary remembers that when Joseph said wanted the rims for Christmas, she asked, “Son, why do you want rims? People get killed for their rims.” Still, she gave him money to go toward rims, and Joseph eventually bought a set.
Things went well until one night in 2003, when Joseph went out on a date.
The assailants shot Joseph three times, twice in the head and once in the back. It is still unknown today whether Mary’s son put up a struggle or if the attackers, in an act of thoughtless violence, shot him just for the sake of shooting him. They took his car and left him on the ground. Joseph’s blood work came back clean; there were no drugs or alcohol in his system.
“It happened less than eight minutes from the house, and what a nightmare that night was,” Mary said. She credits her faith, family and friends with helping her make it through the hardest times.
“There was a time where my husband didn’t think that I wanted to be with him because I would lay on the couch and watch TV until five in the morning,” she said. “It had nothing to do with him. I just could not lay my head down without starting to cry.”
Mary’s neighbor brought her homemade lunch and dinner, and she says if not for this act of kindness, she wouldn’t have eaten during that time.
“It is interesting because when you eat it brings comfort, but when you are going through a death like that, you don’t want to be comforted. You want to wallow,” said Mary. “I can understand how people can go into a depression so deep that you can not get out of it. If I didn’t have to be there for my family and my friends, I would have gone there.”
Mary belonged to a few support groups to help her get through, but said it still felt like a nightmare at times, until finally the killers were brought to justice.
“It was such an emotional relief that they were going to catch them,” she said. “In some of the organizations that I have been involved with, there are people who never get to that point of finding the people who murdered their loved ones.”
The support group showed Mary that as bad as things were for her, there were many others who had it worse. She met some parents who had lost more than one child, or who’d lost their child before they even had a fair shot at life. Being around others helped her feel supported and understood and gave her a perspective that turned her grief into gratitude.
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