Winning the relationship blame game

Francesca knew that something in her love life was off.

She began to see a patter in her dating. “I’d meet this really wonderful person, sexy and interesting. I’d say to myself, he’s going to be the one. He’s going to make me feel great for a really long time.”

But after a few months, Francesca would notice a change in the man she was dating. He’d stop courting her the way he used to; he wouldn’t bring her flowers; he wasn’t kissing me the way he used to.

Quite frankly her relationships were a tragic mess.

Francesca always thought that it must have been the guy that was the problem and that her relationships would be easy if only she could find the right one. To her, the men she dated were always the wrong one. So she would leave. After a while, Francesca realized that it wasn’t just bad luck that was ruining her relationships.

“I realized that there was a common denominator in all my relationships, and that was me.”

At first Francesca made up excuses for herself, she thought “Maybe it’s that they are younger than I am, or they are prettier than I am.” And as easy it easy for all of us to make up excuses, it usually isn’t the case.

After she went through a total self-evaluation, one thing that she learned about herself was that she was constantly criticizing her men and making sure that they knew that they were the ones who were in the wrong during arguments. She learned that there are two totally different ways of going about approaching your partner with an issue you may have.

Now Francesca puts a more positive spin on asking for the things she wants. Once the positive reinforcement started kicking in, Francesca’s relationships began to get a lot easier and a lot more fun.

“Everybody wants to be valued, but it has to start somewhere. I decided that it would start with me.”

Need an explanation for why you are turning into your mother or why you just can’t understand why your son won’t change the toilet paper roll? Explore The Female Brain by Dr. Louann Brizendine for answers hidden in your cells.

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